Exploring the fundamental flaws of fundamentalist thought
News
A Tiny Plastic Key Chain
Nov 6th
Few would argue with the assertion that many Americans are facing uncertainty in their lives. We are living through a rather complicated period in our nation’s history. Economic difficulties have plagued countless families, and millions of people are desperate to find even the slightest glimmer of hope.
This degree of desperation tends to cloud people’s minds to an extent that they are willing to accept anything that sounds as if it will provide some sort of relief to their economic difficulties. It should come as no surprise that politicians are far too willing to capitalize on this fact by providing quick and easy answers to a frantic public. Sadly, this seems to work all too well.
On Tuesday, voters in New Jersey chose to unseat their incumbent governor and replace him with a man who offered quick and easy solutions to the economic difficulties facing their state. I am making no personal judgment as to which candidate was better qualified to hold the office. However, I am deeply concerned that a climate has been created in which quick and easy answers have triumphed over long term thinking and basic human compassion.
The governor elect has been quite vocal about his opposition to programs that have been created to strengthen the very basis of modern society… the education of our children. Specifically, he has expressed the opinion that the incredibly successful early childhood education programs implemented in the inner cities are wasteful, going so far as to suggest that it was somehow little more than state subsidized “babysitting”.
Perhaps he has never had the good fortune to look into the eyes of a teacher holding a tiny plastic key chain.
I had the opportunity to speak with a woman who has devoted her entire life to providing a quality education to inner city children. She was obviously quite distraught over the potential damage that could be done to early childhood education in New Jersey. For several years, she has been part of the programs which have provided educational equality and opportunity to the children of Camden. She now faces the very real possibility that everything she has worked so hard for will soon be ground to dust.
She spoke with intelligence and passion. I stood and watched as her eyes conveyed a veritable roller coaster of emotion… one minute joy, then fear, then anger, then pride, and even an occasional tear. As I listened, I couldn’t help but notice that she clutched her keys tightly in her hands as if her very life depended on it. Soon I discovered that this wasn’t just a quirk or figment of my imagination. It wasn’t the keys she was was clutching after all…
It was a tiny plastic key chain.
It wasn’t much to look at, really. It was only about three cents worth of little plastic beads bound together by a three inch length of string. It was the sort of thing you would probably kick aside if you saw it lying in the street.
Then she opened her hand and lifted it to show me. She showed me why she held it so dearly. She showed me why it was a talisman from which she drew her strength.
The little beads spelled out her name. This seemingly insignificant chain of shiny plastic beads was a gift given to her by one of her students. The fact that the letters spelled her name was a demonstration of the fact that this student had taken the cognitive leap of truly understanding that letters and numbers had meaning. It was a validation of everything to which she had chosen to devote her entire life.
And it was a symbol of everything shortsighted politicians seek to destroy.
People of New Jersey, please don’t let this happen. Please understand that cuts to public education do irreparable damage to our children and society as a whole. Please… please… contact your elected officials and let that know that any short range benefits you might gain are simply not worth the long term damage they will cause. We can not stand by and let them destroy our schools, condemn our children to a life of ignorance, and rip away everything for which our educators have worked so hard.
If one tiny plastic key chain can mean so much, then just imagine what thousands could do.
Goodbye, Steven Wells (1960-2009)
Jul 2nd
Death has seemed to permeate the news over the last few weeks. We’ve certainly lost our fair share of prominent figures. Among the overwhelming media coverage of the passing of aged sex symbols, pop superstars, and TV pitchmen, another death passed under the radar of most of us.
Philadelphia was lucky enough to have a rather interesting character in our midst over the last several years… a curious Brit by the name of Steven Wells. Last Wednesday, intestinal cancer took Steven away from us.
I must admit that I was completely unaware of the totality of his career. I never knew that before coming to the United States, he was one of the UK’s most notorious music critics who earned the disdain, fear, and respect of many of Britain’s most famous recording artists.
I only knew Steven Wells as the guy who wrote the humorous little op-ed pieces for Philadelphia Weekly. I knew him as the guy who fearlessly and hilariously skewered politics, culture, hipsters, the media, and religion. I knew him as the guy who was always going to bring laughter to my Wednesday morning bus ride as I read his latest articles.
If I had to sum up if style, I suppose I would say he was the George Carlin of the Philly media. He was a world class bullshit detector. Not only did he detect said bullshit, but he dragged it into the light, mocked it, set it on fire, and pissed on the flames. Nothing was taboo to Steven. He was a sarcastic, acerbic, opinionated son of a bitch… and you loved him for it.
He was also a humanitarian and all around great guy. He always took the time to respond to the emails I sent him about his articles. I also had the pleasure of meeting him when he came to our Philly Atheist Meetup to do a PW cover story about us (for the Christmas issue, nonetheless). For all of his seething commentaries and venomous rants, he was actually just a smart, friendly, and unassuming fellow.
Many of those who knew him wrote tributes to him in this week’s issue of PW, but I have to say that my favorite was written by Jonathan Valania:
Most Public battles with cancer are cast as heroic. Wells would have none of that bullocks, He was scared shitless, and he said as much because it’s the only reasonable human response. He was mad as hell at the unfairness of it all, because, again, it is the only reasonable response. And by the end he was sick of it all – the pain, the indignity, and the boredom of dying. What made Steven heroic was his willingness to say as much for publication, in lieu of some phony brave face. If nothing else, he innovated the lost art of dying honestly. If there is anything to be learned from Wells’ cruelly premature passing it’s this: Life is not fair, and it’s later than you think. So enjoy yourself and plan accordingly.
Some might view this as a depressing and nihilistic view of life and death. I see it as quite the opposite. Reality isn’t always pretty. Life isn’t always fair. These are truths that we have to accept. We have to accept it and get the fuck over it. Stop lying to yourself and pretending that there’s some deeper meaning hidden behind the scenes. Stop pretending that everything happens for a reason. Stop viewing life as an audition for some delusional view of eternity.
If you want your life to have meaning, then get off your ass and give your life some meaning. Make someone smile. Make someone laugh. Reach out and help someone who is in need. And most importantly, don’t ever forget to let the people you are fortunate enough to have in your life know how happy you are to share your all-too-brief existence with them.
We have what is here. We have what is now. Get the hell out there and make the here and now count, and try to leave this crazy and beautiful world a little bit nicer than it was when you got here.
Steven Wells was one of those clever little primates who did just that. Like all of us, he could only carry the torch so far. The best way for us to honor him is to pick it up and carry it for however long we can, and hope that someone else is there to grab it when we’ve reached the end of our brief journey.
Steven, thanks for making us laugh. Thanks for making us think. Thanks for the time you spent in our mad, mad world…
Although it wasn’t long enough.
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Please check out the full tribute to Steven Wells at the Philadelphia Weekly site…
http://www.philadelphiaweekly.com/news-and-opinion/steven-wells/
The Crusade for a Christian Military
May 7th
“The Crusade for a Christian Military”: Are US Forces Trying to Convert Afghans to Christianity?
The military is denying it allows its soldiers to proselytize to Afghans, following the release of footage showing US soldiers in Afghanistan discussing how to distribute Bibles translated into Pashto and Dari. We speak to Air Force veteran and former Reagan administration counsel Mikey Weinstein, founder of the Military Religious Freedom Foundation, and journalist Jeff Sharlet, author of a Harper’s Magazine article on “The Crusade for a Christian Military.”
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“Democracy NOW!” did an amazing story concerning the radicalization of the United States military by Evangelical Christians. This is a MUST SEE story for all Americans, regardless of political affiliation.
This is some truly frightening stuff. Allowing an organization as powerful as the US military to fall under control of religious extremists presents a danger to our entire world.
Please check out the story, and pass it along to friends.
http://www.democracynow.org/2009/5/6/the_crusade_for_a_christian_military
A victim of a political hate crime
Oct 24th
Earlier today, while minding my own business and using the ATM, I was set upon by a group of pasty, rich, old white men.
After raiding my pension and stealing $700 billion of my tax money, they saw my Barack Obama button and physically attacked me.
Please… alert the conservative bloggers. My story must be told.
Don’t bother to verify any of this first. Please just over react and make a major story out of it.
I’ll be waiting for my calls from Obama and Biden.
My official legal disclaimer for those who are too obtuse to understand parody… THIS IS PARODY!!!!
On community organizers, and their Jesus-ness
Sep 12th
The unholy union of the GOP and Christian fundamentalists always provides some rather interesting hybrids of religion and politics. I suppose the most prominent example would be the issue of environmentalism. To the best of my knowledge, the Bible didn’t have much to say about Global Climate Change (with the notable exception of the three magi discussing how the manger’s carbon footprint adversely affected the farmland surrounding Bethlehem, of course). Although the allegedly good book provides no clear theological view of the ecosystem, millions of fundamentalists have joined ranks with major polluters in denying the scientific evidence supporting climate change.
In recent months, the GOP and fundies have joined together to raise their mighty swords against a new common enemy… a charismatic politician named Barack Obama.
Some have blantatly proclaimed that Obama is “The Antichrist”, while others have made more subtle allusions to him being a secret Muslim. Personally, I don’t particularly care if he is Christian or Muslim, just as I don’t care if he believes the Tooth Fairy is a pixie or a sprite. Why don’t we just debate who would win in a fight… Obama wielding a magic wand astride a unicorn, or McCain with an enchanted staff upon a gryphon? (Damn… why can you never find a 20 sided die when you need one?)
Today, the AFA has decided to focus their contempt on remarks made by Congressman Steve Cohen concerning Senator Obama’s experience as a community organizer. For some odd reason, the GOP has decided to make a point of belittling community organizers in an effort to defame Obama. Cohen’s response was rather witty…
Barack Obama was a ‘community organizer’ like Jesus. Pontius Pilate was a governor.
This statement was apparently rather offensive to Christians, as their Jesus was far too busy hating liberals and homosexuals to worry about issues facing the community. In response, the AFA decided to ask an incredibly skewed and loaded question in their daily poll, with a nice little straw man tacked on for good measure…
A community organizer rallies people to act in their common self-interest. Do you agree with Congressman Cohen… That Jesus Christ was a ‘community organizer’?
Brilliantly worded, is it not? They make a deliberate attempt to skew the results by providing their own rather unflattering definition of what a comminity organizer is. Well, it would be brilliantly worded if it actually made sense. However, most of you have probably already spotted the rather absurd oxymoron used in their statement.
What, exactly, is “common self-interest”? The phrase “self-interest” implies some sort of selfish personal desire that ignores the needs of others. However, when we add the word “common”, we imply that it serves the interest of many individuals. If we rally people to a cause that benefits many individuals, have we not risen above the idea of self-interest? Are we not serving the interests of a much larger group, like… I don’t know… perhaps… a community?
Apparently, devoting your time to helping impoverished communities organize, rebuild, and better the lives of their neighbors is not the sort of thing AFA Jesus would do. AFA Jesus only worries about drilling for oil and not drilling same-sex partners, and he has an irrational vendetta against a clown who sells hamburgers.
So, WWAFAJD?
Frankly, I don’t wanna know.
Disaster Strikes Faux News Channel
Sep 2nd
Disaster Strikes Faux News Channel
by Brian Barrish, FundamentallyFlawed.com
New York City – Inside sources have reported that recent events have had distastrous effects on the fair (and dare I say, “balanced”) Faux News Channel.
Executives have been forced to confront the reality that the network has reached crisis level and may be forced to go off the air if the situation does not improve.
“We’ve never had to deal with such a tragedy before,” said our anonymous source. “It is impossible to operate and maintain a prestigious twenty-four hour news channel without the proper equipment. We fear that our position atop the world of media has finally come to an end.”
Our source’s fears are well founded, as Faux News faces a crisis of unimaginable magnitude…
Faux News, it seems, has run out of Turd Polish.
How could this possibly happen? Our source explains…
“We have been lulled into a false sense of security over the last eight years. The Bush administration has provided us with a steady supply of turds, and we’ve always had enough polish to meet our needs. We have been able to effectively make pile after pile of steaming excrement palatable to the uniformed public.”
When asked why the supply and demand ratio was toppled, our insider became somewhat emotional.
“It’s been getting harder and harder over the last few years. Former members of the administration keep coming forward and exposing the turds of the past in unpolished form. It’s nearly impossible to maintain a steady supply of polish when you have to continually re-polish the same old turds. After a while, you can’t possibly put on enough polish to blind the American public. Eventually, they begin to realize that a turd is a turd.”
Although these events indeed put a strain on Faux News, they did not seal its fate.
“We had anticipated this and believed we were prepared. As tough as it was, we had it under control. That was, of course, until last Friday.”
He was speaking about the events of August 29th, the day Sarah Palin was announced as John McCain’s running mate in the 2008 presidential election.
“To those of us at Faux News, it will always be remembered as our Katrina. It will always be the day the levees broke, inundating our network with torrent of turds that could not be polished. We were buried. We were devastated. For God’s sake… we’re only human…. we’re only human.”
When asked if this was truly the end of the road for Faux News, our source said that there is a glimmer of hope.
“We have our all-purpose emergency backup plan. When things get bad for conservative journalists, we talk about Ronald Reagan. Not the Ronald Reagan that destroyed the middle class… not the Reagan that sponsored terrorists in Nicaragua by selling cocaine while claiming to be fighting a “War on Drugs”… not the Reagan whose foreign policy fostered and spawned men like Sadam Husein and Osama bin Laden. You know… the good Ronald Reagan. The mythical Reagan that exists only in the minds of middle America.”
So perhaps all is not lost for the folks at Faux News Channel. They can march proudly onward to the future, guided by the light of Ronald Reagan…
The patron saint of Polished Turds.
In support of our public schools, teachers, and staff
Jun 20th
As most of you know, the vast majority of my writings are about the evils of religious fundamentalism. It probably seems that this is the only cause that I am passionate about, but this is not the case. I would like to take a moment to speak about another subject which is dear to me.
This morning, a friend who teaches at an urban public school informed me that there would be a rally in Camden, New Jersey later in the day. Members of the New Jersey Education Association were planning to protest at the office of New Jersey State Senator Dana Redd. The purpose of this protest was to call attention to two vital issues facing the students and employees of New Jersey public schools… a proposed school voucher program and legislation which could jeopardize the pensions of school support staff.
Obviously, the convergence of workers’ rights and public education is a damn near perfect storm for a leftist such as myself, so I made it a point to duck out of work an hour early to join the rally.
I was cheerfully greeted by the organizers and given a sign which read “We will remember in November!”, as well as a whistle attached to a spiffy NJEA key chain. We spent the next hour or so marching up and down the block, joining in a series of catchy protest chants, blowing our whistles, talking, laughing, and generally coming together to support the common causes which we all felt passionate about. The turnout was great, and I have to say that it was one of the most wonderful groups of people I’ve ever had the pleasure of meeting.
After the rally, I decided that rather than catching the bus back to Philadelphia, I would do something I’ve always meant to do… walk across the Benjamin Franklin Bridge. It was a wonderful experience which gave me an opportunity to reflect on the issues at hand.
We live in very strange times. Our government thinks nothing of hemoraging billions upon billions of dollars to support disasterous foreign policy, yet our public schools are being forced to struggle with a crippling seires of cutbacks. I’m sure that it comes as no big surprise that those who suffer most are the poorest members of our society. This is a philosophy that is so fundamentally backward that it is viewed with bewilderment by the citizens of other industrialized nations.
The State of New Jersey is trying to deal with these budget restrictions in a manner which is destructive to the welfare of the children that they are supposed to be educating. Lawmakers are attempting to establish a program that diverts badly needed funds from urban public schools to subsidize floundering parochial schools. I believe this is best described by a slogan I encountered at the rally… “School vouchers take the money but return the child”. Despite what the wealthy would have us believe, this is the truth. It is nothing more than a means of funneling the money from the poorest schools and providing reduced tuition to families that can already afford to send their children to private schools. It is yet another means of further dividing the upper and working classes.
And what of the rights of the staff at these schools? I’m certain that we all agree on the importance of teachers, but we so often tend to forget the other employees of our school systems. What of the bus drivers, the cafeteria workers, the custodial staff, and all of the others who work behind the scenes? These workers form the very backbone of our educational system. Without any of them, it would be impossible for the teachers to educate the children. They are an integral part of forming the foundation for the future of our society. Is it right for us to give them any less than the best possible pay and benefits? How can we possibly put them in a position in which they are unsure if their efforts will provide them with a stable retirement? We cannot allow this to happen. We would be a disgraceful excuse for a society if we did.
I would like to add one last point about my day. As I arrived back in Philadelphia, I walked by Independence Hall. I do this every day, and I must admit that I have become somewhat jaded to the experience. That wasn’t so today. Today I stopped for a moment, gazed at this historic building, and reflected on the fact that I was standing in the footsteps of the founders of our nation. They established this country with the ideal that the people would dictate the course of the government.
I am proud to say that this afternoon I stood among people who raised their voices and did just that.
Power to the people.
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For more information on these issues and to find out what you can do to help, please visit
Finally… a way to become recession-proof
May 29th
This morning, as I do every morning, I grabbed a copy of the Philadelphia edition of Metro on my way to work. Little did I know that I was about to encounter something so ridiculous that I would spew forth my coffee while attempting to contain my laughter.
The rising gas prices and stumbling economy have obviously been hot issues in the readers’ feedback section. Opinions on these issues have ranged from sensible to inane, but the following letter submitted by a reader named Omar L. Branch has taken inanity to a whole new level…
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Unless you’re living under a rock, you know about the rising gas prices. I have the best solution in the world. If you continue to be obedient to God by tithing 10 percent of your earnings and follow the biblical principles to financial prosperity, you will not participate in a recession. Gas could rise to $10 a gallon and it would not affect you at all. Whether you believe it or not, it’s a fact.
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Maybe I’m being a tad bit harsh here. Perhaps this enlightened prophet named Omar is on the right track. If we truly want to solve our nation’s economic woes, magical thinking may be the only viable solution.
Omar’s problem is that he thinks small. Sure… tithing 10 percent of your income to a church might prevent you from participating in the recession, but it does little to help out the community as a whole. We need to think much, much bigger to tackle this problem.
The solution is clear. In each and every community the people must assemble and nominate a virgin as their official anti-recession emissary. Once the maiden has been chosen, the community will hold a magnificent feast, during which the girl is dressed in the finest linens, endowed with rare and precious gems, and anointed with the finest fragrant oils from the Far East.
The next step will vary from town to town, depending on the available natural resources and particular zeitgeist of the community. If your town has an active volcano, for example, you could lead the maiden in a procession up its craggy slopes and cast her into the crater as an offering to the Gods of Finance. If no volcano is available, you could simply tie her to a stake and burn her. Of course, local fire safety regulations might prohibit this in some towns, in which case you can simply stone her to death. Either way, it’s a fun activity for the entire family!
Those of you who are a bit more astute may have realized by this point that my suggestions are ridiculous and archaic, based on ancient superstitious beliefs, and that none of this will actually do anything to slow the rising cost of oil or combat the recession. I can only respond to your skepticism by pointing out that my ideas are no more ridiculous than the course of action suggested by Omar in his brilliantly crafted letter to the editor of Metro.
Whether you believe it or not, it’s a fact!
Petition to safeguard separation of church and state and protect religious liberty
Mar 26th
ACT NOW — Sign the Petition to safeguard separation of church and state and protect religious liberty.
The founders of our nation believed that all Americans should have the right to worship according to their own beliefs, or not to worship at all. So strong was their commitment to religious freedom that they enshrined it in the first sentence of the Bill of Rights.
“Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion or prohibiting the free exercise thereof…”
This constitutional guarantee is often known as the “first freedom.”
Religion is a deeply personal matter. Americans must be free to practice their religion without coercion. Government exists to provide for the general well-being of all people, and its workings must be independent of specific religious doctrines. Simply put, there must be a separation of church and state.
If we do not stand together as a nation, we stand to lose this fundamental freedom.
We, the undersigned, call upon elected and appointed officials to join us in reaffirming America’s religious freedom by demonstrating a commitment to the following:
- Every American should have the right to make personal decisions — about family life, reproductive health, end of life care and other matters of personal conscience.
- American tax dollars should not go to charities that discriminate in hiring based on religious belief or that promote a particular religious faith as a requirement for receiving services.
- Political candidates should not be endorsed or opposed by houses of worship.
- Public schools should teach with academic integrity and without the promotion of religious preference or belief.
- Decisions about scientific and health policies should be based on the best available scientific data, not on religious doctrine.
We join together, as the most diverse nation in the world, to commit ourselves to defending and preserving this freedom.
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SIGN THIS PETITION AT….
http://www.firstfreedomfirst.org/node/962
Huge Separation of Church & State simulcast event!!!
Mar 18th
For those of you joining us in Philadelphia, the event will be screened at…
United Artists Riverview Plaza 17
1400 South Christopher Columbus Blvd.
Philadelphia, PA 19147
The event is FREE, but you must RSVP at…
http://www.firstfreedomfirst.org/simulcast-event/
Hope to see you there!