I am honestly starting to question the sincerity of Jack Chick, creator of the infamous “Gospel Tracts”.

I used to take him at face value, assuming that he was a misguided fundamentalist who used his moronic creations to brainwash America’s youth.

Recently, however, his tracts have become so utterly absurd that I can only assume he is a brilliant atheist satirist.  Seriously… his work is a far greater mockery of Christian thought than any freethinking humorist could ever conjure up.

A brief glimpse of two pages of his most recent tract “Who Is He?” will make this point abundantly clear.

We’ll begin with page one, which is a realistic depiction of how various cultural groups view Jesus…

Ah, what a rogues’ gallery Jack has assembled for our reading pleasure!

In the center of the panel, we have a psychotically evil (and apparently sub-human) Arabic gentleman shouting about Jesus being a Muslim.  Next to him, we have a generic bow-tie clad black man (who I am sure only coincidentally resembles a prominent  African American religious leader) who has the audacity to suggest that Jesus was a PERSON OF COLOR that expressed revolutionary ideas.  In the bottom right corner, we have an individual who may or may not be a buck-toothed Asian claiming that Jesus was the cousin of Buddha (who lived a few centuries before Jesus).  I also have reason to believe this gentleman may be an elitist, as he is holding a martini in his hand.

Which brings us to the star of the page… a shadowy, hook-nosed figure who informs us that everybody HATED Jesus.  I will make no guesses as to what ethnic group this individual is supposed to represent, but I will point out that he bears a striking resemblance to many of the shadowy, hook-nosed characters who called for the death of Jesus in some of Jack’s other tracts.

Now we can get into the most amazing page of this tract.  Actually, I will go so far as to say that this is the MOST AMAZING PAGE EVER PUBLISHED IN THE HISTORY OF HUMANITY.

How can I make such a bold declaration?  Well, what else can you say about one tiny page that explains ALL THE SCIENCE IN THE UNIVERSE?!

There you have it, folks!  The first panel explains everything there is to know about cosmology and biology, while panel two explains all the laws of physics.  It’s so simple that a drunken chimpanzee (who is in no way related to humans) could have dreamed it up… SO IT MUST BE TRUE!!!

Thank you, Jack Chick.  Thank you for providing countless hours of entertainment to sane and rational people.  Thank you for making it so damn easy to illustrate the utterly moronic absurdities of fundamentalist thought.

Keep ‘em coming, Jack!  But please…

Keep this crap away from children.

Oh, the HUMANITY!!!

Our worst fears have come true, ladies and gentlemen.  We are precariously perched at the brink of oblivion, staring headlong into the abyss.  The satanic liberals of academia are prepared to use the venerable PBS program Nova” to do the unthinkable…

Use legitimate scientific and historical research to present the TRUTH about the Bible!

Please, I beg of you… Please remain calm.  Step away from the window.  Put down the gun.  Pull your head out of the oven.  There is still hope, my friends… the AFA has released an action alert to stop this sanity!

They have provided a short sampling of the evil truths Nova plans to present…

• The Old Testament was written in the sixth century BC and hundreds of authors contributed.
• Abraham, Sarah and their offspring didn’t exist.
• There is no archaeological evidence of the Exodus.
• Monotheism was a process that took hundreds of years.
• The Israelites were actually Canaanites.
• The Israelites believed that God had a wife.

It’s bad enough that PBS has used programs like Sesame Street to brainwash our children into believing that “A” is for “Apple” and that 2 + 2 = 4, but now they have the unmitigated gall to challenge the historical accuracy of mythology!  Next they will be teaching our youth that thunder is the result of millions of rapidly heated gas molecules spontaneously breaking the sound barrier and not the sound of Thor’s mighty hammer striking a cosmic anvil.

I remember the deleterious effect PBS had on me as a child.  They filled my impressionable mind with a variety of wicked facts that contradicted the Bible…

- The Earth orbits the Sun, and neither one of them is located at the center of the Universe

- Human beings cannot walk on water without the assistance of some sort of flotation device

- Illness is caused by microbes, not by a vengeful deity

- The Earth is BILLIONS of years old

- Dinosaurs and humans were separated by tens of millions of years

It is clear that we cannot allow this government funded assault on irrational and delusional ideas continue.  Please follow the example set by the American Family Association and DEMAND that congress stop spending our tax dollars on educating the populace.

If this continues, our children are in danger of catching up with the children of all other industrialized nations.  We can NEVER let this happen.

Remember… Ignorance is power!

I am here to testify to you, my brothers and sisters, that I have finally seen the light!  Glory unto He who has cast His shining ray of truth through the darkness so that I may bask in the truth of love!

When I say “He”, I am of course refering to Don Wildmon, the illustrious leader of the American Family Association.

I understand that most of you are probably quite surprised by my rebirth into the light of Don (Glory be upon Him!).  I suppose I should start from the beginning.

It seems that fast food megalith McDonald’s has caved into the wretched “Homosexual Agenda” by joining the National Gay and Lesbian Chamber of Commerce, a group which rewards companies that have the audacity to acknowledge that homosexuals deserve to be treated like human beings.  This should come as no surprise to many of us.  After all, this is a company which takes pride in the fact that they have slipped their hot meat between a tender set of buns billions of times!  I am appalled that so many God-fearing Americans have accepted this sinful behavior for so many years.

Luckily, the good and just Mr. Wildmon would have none of this.  He immediately called upon his legion of Christian soldiers to launch a volley of emails to McDonald’s demanding that they “remain neutral in the culture war”.

How did McDonald’s respond?  Rather than have the decency to cave into the demands of an army of Bible-bangers with too much time on their hands, spokesman Bill Whitman  suggested that these individuals were motivated by HATE!

In a recent article at One News Now, Don Wildmon denied that hate had anything to do with it.  It’s easy to see his point.  After all, how can any rational person claim that forming an organization devoted to discriminating against a group of people that have done absolutely nothing wrong to you is somehow a form of “hate”?

In fact, I have received many emails from AFA supporters explaining that this bigotry is actually an act of LOVE!

Well, Wildmon and his minions must know what they are talking about, seeing as how they have the one true God on their side and all, so I have decided to adopt their way of thinking.  All things that seem to be acts of hate are merely a form of love!  Just imagine how much nicer the world would be if we apply this philosophy to other situations…

- White supremacists are often accused of hating minority groups.  This is completely unfair, because they love them.  They have so much love for these people that they want them to have their very own schools, water fountains, towns, and sections at the back of the bus.  In fact, they love them so much that they have been known to hang them from trees like Christmas ornaments so that we may all appreciate their beauty!

- Adolf Hitler is remembered for his hatred of the Jews.  History has obviously gotten this wrong… he must have loved them!  Everybody likes to go to camp, right?  Well Hitler had so much love in his heart that he built dozens of camps for the Jewish people.  He gave them all matching pinstripe pajamas, let them develop job skills by engaging in manual labor for 18 hours a day, and provided them with three square meals a month!  When these camps became too crowded, he was kind enough to eliminate many of the campers so that more Jews could come and experience his divine love.  Oh, how beautiful it was!

- Rapists are criminals?  I think not!  They are merely men who love women so much that they can’t bear to hold the love inside!

- And last but not least, we can’t forget Karl Rove, a man who loved the black and Hispanic voters so much that he went out of his way to make sure that they didn’t have to waste a perfectly good Tuesday in November voting!

————————————-

It’s time to put all kidding aside.  I’m aware that it’s not entirely fair to compare the Religious Right to murderers and rapists, and it’s downright cruel to compare anyone to Karl Rove.  I may have pushed the limits of good taste here, but I did it to make an important point.

Hitler was delusional enough to believe he was acting in the best interest if humanity by committing his unimaginable crimes against humanity.  White supremacists are delusional enough to believe that they are saving America by waging war against all minorities.  Many rapists even believe that their sick and violent crimes against women are intimate acts of love toward these women.

In the same respect, religious fundamentalist groups are delusional enough to believe that they are executing the divine will of an omnipotent being by waging a campaign of bigotry and intolerance against good people whose only “crime” is their natural sexual orientation.

You can claim that your campaign of bigotry is a holy culture war born of love.  You can also claim that a steaming pile of excrement is a hot fudge sundae.

Just don’t expect us to swallow either one.

Class action lawsuit accuses Christianity of plagiarism

By Brian Barrish, fake reporter

A class action lawsuit was filed today alleging that a popular group known as the Christians plagiarized nearly all of their religious texts from earlier sources.  The suit was filed on behalf of a wide variety of plaintiffs, including the ancient Egyptians, Sumerians, Greeks, Romans, and a wide array of obscure Jewish sects.

“This atrocity has gone on long enough.  My clients have suffered in the shadows for over two thousand years.  We believe the time has come for these perpetrators to pay a just compensation for their acts of intellectual and artistic thievery!” said Tommy Chopton, the lead attorney for the plaintiffs.

As many of you may remember, Chopton is the controversial lawyer who first gained notoriety for his colorful courtroom antics in the highly publicized Gilgamesh v. Noah case, during which he coined the now famous phrase, “If the animals could not fit, then Noah’s full of shit.”

Legal analysts believe Chopton and his clients face an uphill battle in this case.  There are a number of hurdles, the first of which being determining exactly who the defendants are.  Although the scripture is said to have been written by a number of authors (including Mark, Luke, John, Paul, George, and Ringo), it is unclear if any of the texts were actually written by these individuals.  In what is considered a bold feat of legal maneuvering, Chopton has elected to pursue the groups which are financially benefiting from these writings.

The Rev. John Tytass, a spokesman for the group American Evangelicals for Family Values and the American Family Way, responded to these allegations.

“The idea that the events depicted in the Christian Bible were merely stolen from other sources is ridiculous,” explains Tytass.  “These are not fictional stories.  The events are fully supported by scientific and historical facts that our finest Christian scholars have made up.  Our Heavenly Father sent to us his only begotten son so that we may learn to hate homosexuals and Democrats.  Now if you’ll excuse me, I have a fourteen year old Filipino boy waiting for me in a jacuzzi full of pudding.  Wait… did I say that last part out loud?  I meant an EIGHTEEN year old Filipino boy… I mean GIRL… I mean, my WIFE…”

Another prominent Christian leader agreed to speak to us under condition of anonymity.  “Cardinal X” is a senior official in an unnamed Rome based multinational Christian organization.

“There was absolutely no plagiarism involved, ” said Cardinal X.  “We explained the similarities hundreds of years ago!  Satan, the scourge of God and all around nasty fellow, provided these stories to the plaintiffs in an effort to discredit Christianity proactively.  Yes… that’s our story and we’re sticking to it!  Are you buying any of this?  Well, I don’t care.  This interview is over.  I have an appointment to help a friend minister to a young Filipino boy.  Is there a store around here that sells pudding in bulk?”

Fundamentally Flawed attempted to contact Satan to respond to these allegations.  At the time of this printing, we were unable to reach him for comment.  We suspect that this may be because he does not actually exist.

Despite the long road ahead, Chopton remains optimistic.

“We’re gathering more evidence each day.  Just look at the recent discovery of a first century b.c.e. Jewish text which refers to a prince named Simon being killed and rising from the dead three days later… Seriously, folks… Are we to believe that this is just a coincidence?  I think not!  Evidence like this has been piling up for centuries.  Do you have any idea how many ancient cultures wrote stories about gods being born to virgin mothers?  Do you know how common it is to find references to heroic figures rising from the dead?  The list goes on and on.  A small child could see what’s going on here… Plagiarism, my friends.  Plagiarism, pure and simple.  My clients must be compensated!”

Chopton added one last point.

“Seriously… It’s not hard to create a religion without stealing intellectual property.  Hell, look at Scientology!  Evil galactic lords, disembodied spirits brainwashed to believe a false reality, e-meters, body thetans… Say what you will about that crazy-ass bastard L. Ron Hubbard… but at least he was original!”

It seems that I should feel a great sense of shame for living in the city of Philadelphia.  Our once great city has apparently “trampled free speech”.   That’s right, folks… the birthplace of our nation is allegedly attempting to silence that tiny, oppressed minority known as “Christians”.

At least, we would be led to believe this by a recent One News Now article entitled Freedom of speech trampled in Philly”.

The subject of this article is Michael Marcavage, the leader of a local right wing Christian group called Repent America.  This organization has become a fixture at almost every gay rights event in the Philadelphia area.  They seem to be under the impression that they are making a statement with their presence, but they essentially do little more than provide a humorous sideshow for the revelers to enjoy.

Mr. Marcavage got himself into a bit of trouble with the federal park rangers in the historic area known as Independence Mall.  He was simply minding his own business, wandering the sidewalk outside the Liberty Bell Pavilion cramming his religious beliefs down the throats of city residents and tourists.  Upon seeing this, the rangers instructed him that this sort of activity was not permitted on the sidewalk outside of national monuments, at which point they pointed out that there is an officially designated free speech area where such demonstrations are permitted.

Our stalwart hero would have none of this, though.  After all… he was being unfairly targeted as a Christian!  After refusing to comply with the rangers’ request, he was charged with obstructing agency operations.  He was later convicted and punished with a one year probation and fine.

The following excerpt is taken from the original article…

“We weren’t obstructing anyone. In fact, the government even stipulated, during the trial, that we were not obstructing or blocking anyone and that I was not acting disorderly. So there’s no reasonable explanation other than the fact that they wanted us to go to this ‘free-speech zone,’” Marcavage explains.

That zone is an area away from pedestrian traffic, apparently designed to keep protesters and others with a message from communicating with the general public.

I suppose even those of us who do not agree with the political or religious views of Marcavage should be sympathetic to his plight.  After all… they attempted to silence him by confining him to “an area away from pedestrian traffic, apparently designed to keep protesters and others with a message from communicating with the general public” because he was preaching the gospel of Christ.  This hardly seems fair, does it?

Marcavage and the spin doctors at One News Now have painted a completely inaccurate picture of exactly what the “Free Speech Area” at Independence Mall is and what purpose it serves.  I know you may find this shocking, but conservative Christians often engage in distortions of the truth and outright lies!  (GASP!!!)

I walk by this area twice a day.  It is located on the 500 block of Market Street, a block which sees some of the heaviest pedestrian traffic in the entire city.  It is a very large paved area which is adorned with a stone monument engraved with the First Amendment.  In addition, it is located smack dab in the middle of the Independence Mall area, which means it is highly visible in the center of the large grassy field which runs from Independence Hall to the National Constitution Center.  People demonstrating in this zone are in clear view of visitors to both of these sites, as well as any tourists at Liberty Bell Pavilion.

Oh, I almost forgot… IT IS DIRECTLY ACROSS THE STREET FROM THE PHILADELPHIA VISITORS’ CENTER, as well as the area where many of the tour buses load and unload.  While we are on the subject of tours, I should add that many of the tour guides BRING THEIR TOURS TO THE FREE SPEECH AREA.

So many of you may be confused at this point.  The area is prominently located in a highly visible historic area, and people actually bring an audience to you.  It sounds like a demonstrator’s dream location, doesn’t it?  You couldn’t ask for a more prime piece of real estate to take your message to the masses!

If this area doesn’t exist to “keep protesters and others with a message from communicating with the general public”, then what purpose does it serve?

Independence Mall is an area which covers several city blocks.  It is not self-contained.  City streets run directly through it.  In addition to the thousands of tourists visiting it each day, there are thousands more city residents passing through while conducting their daily routine.  It is very difficult for a handful of park rangers to patrol this area and maintain public safety.

That is why the Free Speech area exists.  It was a common sense solution to balance the safety of the residents and visitors with the right to peaceably assemble and protest.  Protests can quickly get out of hand when groups with conflicting opinions come face to face.  By giving protesters a prominent area in which to legally conduct their activities, the park rangers can more easily diffuse any potentially violent and dangerous situations.  This is an arrangement that most of us that are politically active in the city of Philadelphia have accepted as a rational compromise.

Michael Marcavage would have us believe that he is a martyr who is being oppressed for his religious views.  Religious groups throughout the country are more than willing to indulge this illusion by holding him up as an example of a victim of an evil society which seeks to destroy him.

Michael Marcavage is not a hero.  He is not a martyr.  He is not an oppressed Christian being thrown to the lions.  Most of us in Philly are all too aware of what he actually is… a media whore.

Fred Phelps would be so proud!

I’m sure that all of my fellow Americans are all to aware that we are in the midst of an election year.  We are being inundated with all manner of news, campaigning, analysis, and mud-slinging… or as it’s come to be called, “The Usual”.

Any historian will tell you that it is crucial for a society to learn from the past.  After all, that’s how we prevent ourselves from making the same mistakes over and over again.

What if we could go one step beyond learning from history?  What if we had a magic window that allowed us to learn from prehistory?  Imagine what we could learn!

Let’s have a bit of fun today, folks.  Let’s pretend we have such an enchanted window.  Let’s take a look at what a political ad might look like circa 10,800 BCE.

Gronk want you think Gronk worship Purple Cosmic Cloud Turtle.  Gronk want you think he have Purple Cosmic Cloud Turtlish values.  Gronk tell truth?

Look cave painting Gronk.  Look Gronk hat!!!  Gronk no wear Purple Cosmic Cloud Turtle hat in painting… Gronk wear hat like Orange Flaming Sky Kangaroo worshipper!!!

Can cave afford take chance on Gronk?  Gronk worship Purple Cosmic Cloud Turtle?  No… Young Gronk spend month in ORANGE FLAMING SKY KANGAROO SCHOOL!!!

Cave founded on principle of Purple Cosmic Cloud Turtle.  Cave have no room Orange Flaming Sky Kangaroo worshippers.  They undermine Purple Cosmic Cloud Turtle values and try destroy way of life.

No vote Gronk.  Vote Ogg.  Ogg love Purple Cosmic Cloud Turtle.  Ogg be gay for Purple Cosmic Cloud Turtle if Purple Cosmic Cloud Turtle no hate gays.

“Me Ogg.  Ogg approve message.”

Ok… I suppose many of you might think that my imaginings of prehistoric elections are a bit over the top.  I firmly reject this accusation.  In fact, I defy you to point out the difference between my flight of fancy and what is actually going on today.

Let’s face it… Our country is faced with several enormous issues that require practical and immediate action.  We need to face these issues.  We need to have civil and intelligent debates on these issues.  We need to work together in attempt to find solutions to these issues.

Instead, we have chosen to allow our political discourse to be dominated by rumor and speculation over which invisible magic sky fairy our candidates spend Sundays singing to.  Perhaps it would be even more accurate to say that we are worrying about which specific permutation of the same invisible magic sky fairy they are singing to.

At least our old friends Gronk and Ogg have an excuse.  After all… our primitive forefathers were still under the impression that sickness was put into them by evil rocks and twigs.  They didn’t have the means or technology to know any better.

We do.  We have microscopes.  We have mapped the structure of DNA.  We have telescopes which allow us to see across 14 billion light years to the beginning of time.  We have millions of computers networked together to allow instantaneous communications around the globe.  We have medicines that are able to kill the microbes that actually make us sick, so we don’t have to exorcise the evil demons that live in the rocks and twigs.

Yet, we still choose to allow our political debates to degrade into arguments about Purple Cosmic Cloud Turtles and Orange Flaming Sky Kangaroos.  We’ve given them different names, but the concept remains the same.

The time has come for us to cast aside archaic mythologies of the past and rationally focus on humanity’s future.  We’re running out of time, people.  We need to do it NOW.

I think I’ll wrap it up.  I’m getting a bit hungry, so I’m going to put my dinner in the microwave.

For those of you unfamiliar with this technology… Brian put food in magic spirit cook box.  Brian pray to Yellow Stellar Heat Penguin put magic in box make Brian food hot.  Brian eat.

As most of you know, the vast majority of my writings are about the evils of religious fundamentalism.  It probably seems that this is the only cause that I am passionate about, but this is not the case.  I would like to take a moment to speak about another subject which is dear to me.

This morning, a friend who teaches at an urban public school informed me that there would be a rally in Camden, New Jersey later in the day.  Members of the New Jersey Education Association were planning to protest at the office of New Jersey State Senator Dana Redd. The purpose of this protest was to call attention to two vital issues facing the students and employees of New Jersey public schools… a proposed school voucher program and legislation which could jeopardize the pensions of school support staff.

Obviously, the convergence of workers’ rights and public education is a damn near perfect storm for a leftist such as myself, so I made it a point to duck out of work an hour early to join the rally.

I was cheerfully greeted by the organizers and given a sign which read “We will remember in November!”, as well as a whistle attached to a spiffy NJEA key chain.  We spent the next hour or so marching up and down the block, joining in a series of catchy protest chants, blowing our whistles, talking, laughing, and generally coming together to support the common causes which we all felt passionate about.  The turnout was great, and I have to say that it was one of the most wonderful groups of people I’ve ever had the pleasure of meeting.

After the rally, I decided that rather than catching the bus back to Philadelphia, I would do something I’ve always meant to do… walk across the Benjamin Franklin Bridge.  It was a wonderful experience which gave me an opportunity to reflect on the issues at hand.

We live in very strange times.  Our government thinks nothing of hemoraging billions upon billions of dollars to support disasterous foreign policy, yet our public schools are being forced to struggle with a crippling seires of cutbacks.  I’m sure that it comes as no big surprise that those who suffer most are the poorest members of our society.  This is a philosophy that is so fundamentally backward that it is viewed with bewilderment by the citizens of other industrialized nations.

The State of New Jersey is trying to deal with these budget restrictions in a manner which is destructive to the welfare of the children that they are supposed to be educating.  Lawmakers are attempting to establish a program that diverts badly needed funds from urban public schools to subsidize floundering parochial schools.  I believe this is best described by a slogan I encountered at the rally… “School vouchers take the money but return the child”.  Despite what the wealthy would have us believe, this is the truth.  It is nothing more than a means of funneling the money from the poorest schools and providing reduced tuition to families that can already afford to send their children to private schools.  It is yet another means of further dividing the upper and working classes.

And what of the rights of the staff at these schools?  I’m certain that we all agree on the importance of teachers, but we so often tend to forget the other employees of our school systems.  What of the bus drivers, the cafeteria workers, the custodial staff, and all of the others who work behind the scenes?  These workers form the very backbone of our educational system.  Without any of them, it would be impossible for the teachers to educate the children.  They are an integral part of forming the foundation for the future of our society.  Is it right for us to give them any less than the best possible pay and benefits?  How can we possibly put them in a position in which they are unsure if their efforts will provide them with a stable retirement?  We cannot allow this to happen.  We would be a disgraceful excuse for a society if we did.

I would like to add one last point about my day.  As I arrived back in Philadelphia, I walked by Independence Hall.  I do this every day, and I must admit that I have become somewhat jaded to the experience.  That wasn’t so today.  Today I stopped for a moment, gazed at this historic building, and reflected on the fact that I was standing in the footsteps of the founders of our nation.  They established this country with the ideal that the people would dictate the course of the government.

I am proud to say that this afternoon I stood among people who raised their voices and did just that.

Power to the people.

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For more information on these issues and to find out what you can do to help, please visit

http://www.njea.org/page.aspx

We’re all aware that fuel prices have been on the rise for quite some time now. Whether we drive or not, the costs are being passed on to us in some way, shape, or form. While this may seem like a negative thing to many of us, I see it as a golden opportunity for fundamentalist Christians to win us over once and for all. Their crowning victory draws near, my friends! Simply put, it is time for them to put up or shut up.

I suppose most of you don’t really see any logic in my cryptic statement. I assure you that it makes perfect sense. Please indulge me for a moment while I explain.

This all began with an action alert posted by the Association of Fascist Assholes. It seems that they feel that the blame for rising fuel costs rests squarely on the shoulder of some sort of environmentalist cabal which has an evil stranglehold on congress. If such a cabal exists, I am not aware of it. I can only assume that my membership card was lost in the mail.

We are warned that gas prices will soon reach $10 a gallon if we do not petition congress to allow oil prospecting on environmentally protected lands. It seems that any concerns we have about our planet’s natural ecosystem must take a back seat to our insatiable lust for black gold. After all… why would any group professing an unwavering support for a creator want to show any respect for his creation? I can only assume that Jesus hates renewable resources almost as much as he hates them there gay homosexuals!

This leads us to the opportunity I mentioned earlier. Fundamentalist Christian groups like the AFA have spent years trying to convince us of the existence of their deity. They have touted the virtues of faith and reviled the wickedness of science. And now it seems that gas prices also fall within their divine domain as well.

There is one simple thing that they can do to solve all of these dilemmas. They can prove that God exists… they can prove that faith conquers science… They can defeat the rising oil costs! How?

Build a car which is powered by faith.

This shouldn’t be a very difficult task. There are millions of evangelicals in this country who loudly proclaim their piety and drone on endlessly about the power of their faith. Why not put this power to some sort of practical use? Imagine the potential for this limitless resource!

Of course, as a godless heathen I have no idea how this car would work. The actual design should probably be left to the brilliant scientific minds at the Discovery Institute and Answers in Genesis. I imagine the engine might be cross shaped, glowing with the golden light of faith. Perhaps they could achieve greater horsepower through some sort of Homophobia Injection System, and improve the car’s handling with Abstinence-Only Steering. The possibilities are limitless!

Then they would have the final word. They will have finally proven to us that their faith was not just some sort of self-righteous delusion. We non-believers would be stuck wallowing in the fetid trenches, suckling at the foul teat of the hideous bitch-goddess Oil, blinded by the brilliant reflection of faith from the silver fish emblem on their holy bumper, all the while being mocked by their sacred bumper sticker which proudly proclaims, “God is my copilot… AND MY FUEL SOURCE!!!”

So that’s it, folks… Put up or shut up. Prove that you are as pious as you claim by giving us the Faith-Powered Car.

I almost forgot… You’re going to have to make sure it’s street legal. I’m certain that Kent Hovind can make you a license plate. He must be getting pretty good at it by now.

I know I’ve posted this video before, but it remains one of my absolute favorites.

The music video is inspired by the profound words of the late Carl Sagan, accompanied by the ethereal sounds of Ice-Core Scientist.

It provides an excellent perspective of mankind’s true place in our universe, and speaks to the steps we need to take in order to ensure the survival humanity.

I received an email this morning that was so incoherent and delusional that I think my brain began to bleed while attempting to comprehend what this guy was rambling about.

Apparently, this fellow has been sending this message to thousands of people over the last few months.

I was going to write a point-by-point rebuttal, but I realized that the apparent insanity demonstrated by the sender does a far better job of illustrating how nonsensical the arguments are than any critique ever could.

So now, presented for your reading pleasure…

“How Michel Nostradamus stopped the Randi-Dawkins-Myers Corp.” by David Mabus

————————————-

comparing a MONSTER LIKE *NOSTRADAMUS* TO A LITTLE *GEEK* LIKE DAWKINS:

http://www.middle-fork.org/archives/dSpiderWithSpider.gif

and FINALLY:

guess what is inside angel’s ENVELOPE:


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8YXHGGfeVzI

______________________________
these *UGLY GEEKS* should stick to BIOLOGY
______________________________

FINAL DRAFT FOR WORLD-WIDE CIRCULATION:

now with EMBEDDED VIDEOS!

please FWD all your appreciations to randi@randi.org and richard.dawkins@oum.ox.ac.uk and myersp@morris.umn.edu

SEE HOW WE CAUSED THE PRESIDENT OF AMERICAN ATHEISTS, ELLEN JOHNSON,
TO QUIT HER JOB AND STOPPED RANDI’S MILLION DOLLAR PARANORMAL CHALLENGE:

for randi & dawkins and all the so-called “critical thinkers”

the ORIGINAL *KING OF TERROR* VIDEO…..

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zGsOqPDkIZY

the *MODEL* of mental health:

http://youtube.com/watch?v=zBEbfiaZTfc

“Look at the ANGLE OF THE KEY….see that, see that….”

what an idiot this Randi is…..a REAL CRITICAL THINKER….

Visit:

http://nostradamus-usa.netfirms.com

to see how we stopped the MILLION DOLLAR PARANORMAL challenge…..
watch carefully the consequences of Randi’s *idea*…..

For over 40 years James Randi Zwigert (is this even a REAL NAME?) has
had total control over who and how the testing was conducted,
yet despite all this he has terminated the challenge.

The ONLY REASON why the challenge was stopped is because he lost
and refused to pay.

Apparently, Randi likes to break the rules when it serves him:

“14. This prize will continue to be offered until it is awarded.
Upon the death of James Randi, the administration of the prize will
pass into other hands, and it is intended that it continue in force. ”

Great force…..it’s over……

where is my MILLION DOLLARS, you LITTLE *NO-NAME* FRAUD

PS: Almost Forgot: Love the IRONY of the *BULLSHIT* sign over
Randi’s ugly head….

and to wrap up….

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s4WoXpnf7-I

where is my MILLION DOLLARS, you piece of *SHIT* randi

and what about this COMPLETELY *DELUDED* IDIOT?

http://www.mgs.org/wps/content/images/page_567/dawkins_lg.jpg

HAHA

and what about this one:

http://borkweb.com/wp-content/upload/WTF_hax.jpg

HAHA!

——————————————

Canada has a wonderful health care system, David. You should probably take advantage of it.